Couples therapy
For the fight that keeps returning, the distance that crept in, or the aftermath of a betrayal. We get underneath the argument to the pattern driving it.
Free 15-minute consultationMost couples arrive able to describe the argument in detail and unable to explain why it keeps happening. That’s usually because the content changes and the pattern doesn’t.
You don’t need to be in crisis to come. Some couples come because something happened. Others come because nothing is wrong and it hasn’t felt right in a long time.
Couples therapy isn’t about deciding who’s right, and it isn’t about learning to argue more politely. Communication tools help, and they tend to fail under pressure if the thing underneath hasn’t changed.
Underneath most recurring conflict is a loop: one person’s protection triggers the other’s, and both of you end up defending rather than reaching. Neither of you chose it and neither of you can stop it alone, because it only happens between you. That loop is what we work on.
Both of you get to say what it’s really about. I’m direct, and I’ll name the pattern as it shows up rather than months later.
Sessions are 60 minutes, longer than individual work because two people need room. We usually start weekly. Early sessions focus on understanding the cycle rather than solving the presenting argument, which tends to change once the pattern is visible.
If one of you is more ready than the other, that’s workable and common. Ambivalence about the relationship is a legitimate thing to bring in rather than something to resolve before starting.
In person at 817 Garden St in Santa Barbara, or online anywhere in California.
Emotion-Focused Couples Therapy·Relational Life Therapy·Gottman Method·Attachment-Based·Trauma-Informed
What if my partner doesn't want to come?
That's common. Start with a consultation on your own. Individual work on a relationship is legitimate and sometimes shifts things enough that the other person becomes willing.
Do you do marriage counseling, or only couples therapy?
The same work. Married, engaged, partnered, or reconsidering the relationship entirely, the approach is the same.
Can couples therapy help after an affair?
Yes, and it's some of the most demanding work there is. Rebuilding after betrayal takes time and both people participating. The first task is stabilizing, not deciding.
How much does couples therapy cost?
Couples sessions are $180 for 60 minutes. All sessions are private pay, with a superbill on request for out-of-network reimbursement.
Do you offer online couples therapy in California?
Yes, anywhere in California. Many couples use a hybrid, and fully virtual works well, including when partners are in different locations.
Either of you can make the first call. We talk about what’s been happening and what you’re hoping for. I respond personally to every inquiry within 48 hours.
Free 15-minute consultation